Assalamualaikum

So I turned on a new leaf lol. 

I'm a stupid dumb person that makes everything worse than what it actually is. I hope I'll never forget this day in my whole entire life. I can totally feel it, God showed me this light. OK, what happened is I was afraid to contact someone. I've been holding this off for so so so so long because I'm crazy anxious which now I find it really stupid. But I'm not blaming myself! I'm human after all. I feel like it's only right to allow ourselves to feel all these different colors of life no matter how painful they can be.  I believe that's what makes us human - having the ability to feel. So after that long pause of me questioning and keep making useless assumptions, I decided to give it a try and do what I'm supposed to do which is - don't laugh - to Whatsapp a senior student. Look she's not just any senior ok she's a great person I guess I'm a little overwhelmed talking to someone of a higher caliber than me (press F to pay respect). I needed some help from her, and from this strange twist of fate, she told actually she's been looking into something and me contacting her feels like a blessing because it's just at the right time to get her problem solved as well. Well well well well well.  Ya Allah.. I thought, truly His plans is beyond imagination and its magnificent. Who would've thought that all the worries and burden I put upon myself is for nothing. I did not even sit and pray for Him to help me give this courage. Which made me feel shameless. And well, it just- happened. I started to feel the splashes of colors on my chest. Different kinds of feelings running through me. Another tear fell and it's anything but sadness. 

I know how we humans easily forgets and easily go back into the dark but I want to hold into this light a little more. In hopes that I will always feel it everyday and never have to face the dark. Although it's impossible. That's for my God to decide. I hope I won't lose sight anymore. That's all of my thoughts right now. Writing helps me slowly let them flow out of my head. I don't feel as heavy when I let these feelings out. Ah I should write down more. I do not expect having an audience or anyone to hear me out. Right now I just want to be able to stand up alone and stronger.