I have so many work to do now. It's my final year in uni. It finally sink into me and I'm overwhelmed. A little scared, a little hard to breathe whenever I think about it. I guess that's why I've been avoiding my tasks. I procrastinate a lot lately. I don't want to use this as an excuse. I hate it so much but the truth is I'm not in a good of health. You see, everyday there are lecturers who'd ask "How are you guys? Are you well? Are you guys healthy?". I always take that question for granted. Before, I'd just say with everyone "Yesss" but now there's a throbbing pain in my chest whenever I have to lie. Would someone actually want to admit that they're not fine? Of course not. Not me though. So basically I'm going through a lot due to being physically and mentally unwell. People thinks the state of mind is not as serious as those of physical. Well they are very wrong. I have thyroid disease. Not only I'm losing control of my physical self, I'm losing control psychologically too. Well there is a lot of medical information about that which I don't wanna mention it here but basically that's the case. I have always been depressed before. And having this disease really puts everything on another level for me. But like I said, I don't want to use this as an excuse. How weak would that make me.. Or maybe I am weak? When I focus too much on my work I forgot that I have this disease. Just now I forgot to take my meds on time, and my parents got a little mad. Oh how can I forgot.. then I started to cry. I am weak after all. Why am I still lying to myself? What am I going to do though? If I cannot catch up with everyone else like I used to.. 

Well that concludes what's in my mind right now. Quite a mess isn't it. I'm sure I'll comfort myself back to normal soon. Then I will feel a little better for a bit. And after that, this negative thoughts will consume me again. Then I'll tell myself it's alright. Just like a cycle. Sigh won't it be great to just disappear for a while?